The Proper Way: PainFree Guarantee
by PervySage101
Summary: Neji and Ten Ten get drunk. One thing ultimately leads to another... no, not babies. Hyuuga family meeting. Topic: sexual reproduction. NejiXTenTen. Rated M for sexual content.
1. Part One

**The Proper Way: Painfree Guarantee**

**Part One**

_Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Yet. No worries, I'm getting there._

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NEJI'S PLACE

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Naruto held up an intriguing DVD case. "Midnight Sex" invaded the top half of the case, printed in a dripping crimson. The lower half was occupied by a mysterious couple. A shirt-less man could be seen caressing every part of a woman's body who was wearing a dress that was two sizes too small. Pinned against a cream-colored wall, the woman seemed almost oblivious to their surroundings; a junked-out hotel.

Seven sets of blinking eyes stared blankly at the make-out session as Naruto retrieved the DVD, fiddled around with a few buttons on the player, then popped in the disc, followed by a push of the PLAY button. And a slurp of ramen.

Not surprisingly, the scene flickered to life while displaying the same couple. This time though, they were progressing; the woman stripped of her vulgar attire. Hinata fainted immediately, leaving Naruto to grin like mad. Ino tried to suppress a smile as she realized who the woman was, Shikamaru had his head in her lap, muttering something like, "What a drag…" A thin blush spread across Sakura's cheeks as she glanced over at Sasuke, who kept on staring blankly. Neji blinked several times then looked at an uneasy Ten Ten, a message of understanding passed between them.

Naruto cocked his head. "Doesn't that look somewhat like…" He turned towards Ino. "Temari?" He grinned like a maniac. Shikamaru's eyes traveled towards the screen, which now featured a probable Temari going at it… hard.

Ino spoke, "Ya know, I think the idiot's right."

She looked down at Shikamaru. "Is it just me, or does the dude look like…" He trailed off, struggling to remember.

"Gaara." Sasuke stated.

Everyone turned towards him. "Hey, I think you're right." Sakura studied the screen carefully.

"Who else could it be?" Sasuke continued, blocking out any further arguments. Neji and Ten Ten kept quiet.

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91 MINUTES LATER

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"Gaara's hair's too red, but overall, I like the movie." Ino gave her two cents.

"I know, right? Doesn't pervy sage have good taste?"Naruto said between slurps of ramen. "Hina-chan." He shook Hinata gently as her eyes fluttered open. Naruto sat back on his heels, "You missed the best_ paaart_." Naruto stretched out the last word, as if that would emphasize his point.

"That wasn't the proper way, you know." Ten Ten finally spoke.

"What do you mean?" Ino questioned.

"Well, for starters, the positioning was all wrong. It hurts that way and—"

"Wait, wait. How do _you _know?" Sakura sent her an accusing glare.

"Um… well—"

"We take classes." Neji covered. "You will too, next year."

Ten Ten nodded her head vigorously as Sakura glanced at Ino, eyebrows raised. "Of course." Sakura's voice drooped with sarcasm.

Ino carried on as Shikamaru and Sasuke smirked alongside Naruto. Hinata looked ready to pass out again. "Yeah, and I bet they also explain the correct breathing techniques and experiment the proper way, and—"

"Lowly virgins." Neji muttered. Ten Ten jabbed his ribs with her elbow.

"Anyway, are you all attending the party on campus tonight?"

"Hn.", "Yep.", "Of course.", and "Uh-huh"s whirled around the oversized room.

"Great! See you then!" Ten Ten grabbed Neji's arm and sped out the door.

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THAT NIGHT

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"I'm bored. This thing's a gyp." Ino held a glass to her lips.

"I'll second that." Sakura scanned the room.

"Too bad there aren't any _extraordinary_ guys here."

"Hey, what am I? Chopped liver?" Shikamaru stumbled over.

"More like a lazy _ass_."

"Troublesome woman."

"But you'll do." She grabbed Shikamaru and dragged him over to a dark, secluded corner.

Sasuke walked over to Sakura. "Let's ditch this hell-hole."

"Gladly." They strolled across the floor towards the exit, only to be blocked by Naruto, who seemed to be doing the tango with Hinata… or at least attempting to.

"Where are you guys going? This party isn't even in full swing!"

"I don't like swings, I like tomatoes." Sasuke muttered as he led Sakura out the door.

Naruto shrugged as he turned towards Hinata, "Oh well. Let's boogie!"

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TWO HOURS LATER

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"Oh, come on, Neji! Another drink won't kill you!" Naruto urged.

"Yeah… just one more…" Ten Ten slurred.

"Bottoms up!"

Neji downed the drink as he danced with Ten Ten. Feeling oddly discombobulated, Neji's vision blurred as Ten Ten swayed from side to side.

"Maybe you should head home." Hinata suggested as she looked on, a note of concern in her voice.

"Oh, do we have to?" Ten Ten hiccupped.

"I think we should." Neji's voice wavered slightly.

"Fine."

Neji helped Ten Ten get up and find her feet before the couple headed out.

Ten Ten giggled.

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**To Be Continued...**

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Author's Notes: Just to clarify, there was some implied Sandcest, NaruHina, ShikaIno, and SasuSaku. Now that that's out of my system, Part 2's on the way. ;D


	2. Part Two

**The Proper Way: Pain-Free Guarantee**

**Part Two**

_Disclaimer: Soon... Soon..._

_**Warning: Lemon. Sexual Content. Not meant for the little twerps.**_

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NEJI'S PLACE

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Neji fumbled around in his pocket. His hand closed around a metal object with jagged edges. As he pulled it out, Ten Ten stroked his dark hair playfully, sounding oddly like a demented child. He unlocked the door and stepped over the threshold, Ten Ten trailing behind.

He shut the door firmly before locking it. Then he turned towards Ten Ten, both his vision and balance wavering. _'Hey… she looks… sexy… I wonder...'_ His thoughts were destroyed and replaced with a look of lust as Ten Ten let her buns come undone, her loose hair falling over her shoulders.

Flicking off her heels, she strutted to the couch and sat down, giving Neji the most seductive pose he had ever seen. He smirked. She knew what he desired and he knew he was going to get it. He walked towards the couch, his body swaying slightly to the side.

He placed himself on the couch before wrapping a hand around Ten Ten's waist. He drew her close, leaning back until she was practically on top of him. He grabbed her mouth in a passionate kiss, their lips soft, melding.

"You wanna?" He asked, his voice muffled.

"Absolutely..." She slurred as he picked her up and carried her to their bedroom, never once breaking contact with her plump, juicy lips.

He laid her on the bed gently, the flesh under his teeth felt soft and rubbery. As he parted, he looked down at the woman lying beneath him. He took her in calculatingly, from her juicy lips to her feminine curves, his eyes lingering on her breasts, a look of lust overflowing his seemingly pupil-less pupils.

Neji ran his hands over Ten Ten's form, gliding over her curves with pleasure. Taking another moment to breathe in this godly sight, he positioned himself on top of her carefully, his hands resting on the space either side of her.

Leaning down, he ran his tongue along the length of her collarbone, placing miniscule bites at random intervals. He dragged his lips downward, pushing the low-neck even lower. Ten Ten arched her back as his fingers found their way towards the zipper of her strapless dress.

Sucking lightly on her shoulder, he unzipped the dress and spread the flaps of the slit outward, allowing it to slide down her chest, resting comfortably around her waist. Ten Ten sat up, rushing to button his shirt, yanking off the loose tie. She pushed it off his shoulders a nanosecond after the last button came undone.

Letting the shirt drop to the floor, Neji began tugging Ten Ten's dress down her legs. Shifting to accommodate him, Ten Ten felt a chill travel down her spine as he brought his hands behind her back once more, this time fumbling with the straps of her bra. With a little bit of effort on Neji's part, he unhooked her bra, his hands sliding vertically across her delicate figure.

He dragged the bra over her shoulders, letting her hands slip out before flinging it aside. He gave Ten Ten a push as her body plopped on the bed, her dark hair fanning out in eternal directions. His lips came upon hers, mimicking the structure. Their tongues intertwined, moistening their mouths with saliva.

His hands came up to her breasts, squeezing almost excruciatingly. Bracing the pain, Ten Ten curled her fingers tightly in Neji's loosely tied hair. He squeezed several times before loosening his grip and taking a few minutes to visualize these… these… amazingly wonderful, magnificently crafted, enticingly tempting, irresistibly delicious… _(you get the point)_ mounds of flesh.

She moaned loudly as his lips wrapped around her breast, his mouth enclosing the space around the nipple. His hand still took to squeezing the other breast. Letting go momentarily to catch his breath, Neji felt the twins taunting him, mocking his pause.

Receiving this as a challenge, he was determined to get what he wanted; absolute dominant pleasure. He played around for a spilt second, his tongue running in a circular motion on her breast as he sucked harder, causing Ten Ten's moans to project. After numerous moans from Ten Ten, he drew back, her hands frantically tugging at his belt which came undone rather obediently, granting Ten Ten's request in an anxious, yet effortless, attempt to strip Neji of his trousers.

As his pants slipped to the floor with ease, he ran his tongue along her stomach as Ten Ten furled her fingers in his hair a little tighter than aforementioned. His hand glided gracefully along her thigh. Finding their predetermined rightful area, Neji pulled off her panties without hesitation.

His fingers reached their destination in lightning speed, rapidly doing their job efficiently, Assured that she was damp enough, he allowed Ten Ten to take off his boxers after a quick inspection of his toned chest. Muscles and hormones itching and twitching, Neji placed himself inside Ten Ten, her wetness passing forward. Juices flowing, Ten Ten moaned his name as he moved a little more consistently, a scream erupting from her lips.

"Neji… faster. Go faster."

Almost lurching forward, Neji gained momentum as Ten Ten's screams peaked. Never breaking speed, he silenced her with a brutal kiss. She wrapped her legs around him, pushing him against her with a tad bit of force.

Still progressing in speed, Neji watched as Ten Ten's face flushed intensely. He placed sharp, piercing kisses on her neck. Gradually losing speed, Neji saw Ten Ten throw her head from side to side, urging him to go on as a wave of pleasure washed over her.

"D-Don't stop. Please don't stop." She gasped.

After a few unsuccessful attempts from a wiped-out Neji, relentlessly, he let himself out as a reluctant Ten Ten drew in a most needed breath. Lying down, Ten Ten curled up beside him, reliving the past few hours as Neji kissed her softly on her swollen lips. He let out a chuckle. "Now _that_ was the proper way, pain-free guarantee." He smirked as Ten Ten grinned sleepily.

The tired couple drifted off into the haven of a dreamless sleep, waking hours later to face a most interesting dilemma regarding a certain topic on the unusually interesting relationship a male and female endure before entering the stages of sexual reproduction…

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THE NEXT DAY

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Neji woke to the shrilling ring of the telephone. With a great deal of effort he roused himself and dragged his drowsy body over to the petite table, barely beating the machine.

"Hello…" He turned his attention towards the clock. _"Shit."_ 11:38 am. Family meeting in less than an hour. Clearing his throat, he spoke again, "Neji Hyuuga speaking."

"Neji, it's Hiashi. Just called to inform you that there's been a slight change in our meeting."

"I see."

"Under the circumstances, I feel it is necessary for you to bring Ten Ten along."

"Okay…" he played it again. "Wait, Ten Ten? Why? Isn't this a _family _meeting?"

"Of course. But the predicament calls for you to do so."

"OK. Sure." He put the receiver on the cradle and turned to face Ten Ten. "Better hurry. You're accompanying me on a Hyuuga meeting."

"Oh. God."

"Hustle up."

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ONE HOUR LATER

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Overwhelmed with confusion, Neji waited impatiently for Hiashi. A few minutes passed as Naruto galloped in with Hinata by his side.

"Ten Ten, you had to come too? This must be serious." Naruto remarked just as Hiashi walked in.

"Greetings, everyone. Today's topic is sexual reproduction."

A look of shock washed over Hinata's face as her cheeks flared red. Even Naruto seemed overcome with uneasiness.

Neji blinked several times as Ten Ten's face flamed a pale red; she looked ready to pass out.

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ONE HOUR LATER

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"So you see, sexual intercourse is what inevitably leads to reproduction. Put plainly: kids." Hiashi concluded just moments before an unconscious Hinata started stirring. Neji had nearly fainted after Hiashi finished introducing the topic and moving on to describing the actual process, which, according to him, was NOT the proper way. Naruto was still listening intently as Ten Ten started recovering from hyperventilation and embarrassment. A verbal and detailed description of last night… Wow… unbelievable.

As Naruto scurried out the door, the others followed lead, Ten Ten supporting Hinata. A few seconds passed before the silence was broken by none other than Naruto, "Well, I learned two things today." Hinata, still dazed, looked at him questioningly. "First of all, NEVER attend Hyuuga family meetings," Neji shot him a penetrating glance that seemed to pierce the air. Naruto grinned, undaunted.

"Secondly, seeds can be planted in areas using special methods that do _not _require a green thumb!"

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The End

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Author's Notes: There you have it. Satisfied? I don't think it was overly shitty for a relatively quick PWP... Was it?


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